No more music! ... wait, WHAT??

My first love. Forever!
What would we be without music? There would be no people just smiling and listening to music, nothing to make you feel happy when you're alone. Nothing. Whoever started it... I just don't have any words to ... Oeh...
...
Boredom.
...
Laughter.
...
*yawn*
...
Thaughts.
...
Singing.
...
Smiles.
...
*phew*
...

It is weird how people can make you feel. If you're angry then you can forgive, tough at some point you think you never will, but when you're disappointed, then you're not mad, but it is a lot harder to forget about it. Hmm...
...
End.

I wanna wreck my body

It was the day before yesterday. At least I think it was, don't know for sure. Anyways, I was riding my bike. It had been a boring day once again. I almost got hit by a car so I sort of got an energy boost and I decided to pay a visit to the windpark. It's about 2 km from my home. I went to one of the spinning things. There was a little stair. I rode down from there. It was sort of cool. (Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie... lalalalalalalala lie lie lie...) I listened to the song over and over again. It made me think of things to do. Fun things. I rode like a mad person. It was fun. I didn't care if I fell (don't worry, I didn't fall). I had no idea where I was but I just kept on going. I kind of knew in which direction I had to go. I was happy. It's good that my parents gave me a mountain bike, not an oldschool bike (the cool old bikes, you know... but I still want one). I'm pretty sure I'll do that again soon. Maybe even today.

Yesterday was cool. It's weird how we could just see each others taughts. We watched the clouds and we all saw the same things. It was very cool. And funny. I had so many ideas. I remember many of them and I thin I'm gonna draw them too. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, not sure yet.
That's all I've got to say so I think this means goodbye :)

Fuck it!

They say that theres an ending to every good thing - and they're right.
I hate this feeling, it's even worse than the boredom... much more worse... This hate-love-anger-foolishness kind of feeling. I guess I just have to suffer my way through this. Why didn't you just tell me? Well... now you've kind of done it, point taken.

I hope the summer is still gonna be cool. At least I have my sister and some friends...

You know what, fuck it, it's not gonna change anything, I can do it! (Though I still think it's lame)

Bah

Hmm... my thoughts change so quickly... awkward...
I had a depression or something like that, but today I'm like another person. I woke up feeling cheerful, I wanted to go to school... It wasn't that bad. Today was a good day, especially after school when I went to play some football. It was fun though I kind of failed :D
jap, still.... fun!

Didn't mean it!

Music makes you lose control ... !!!

Yep, that's what they say... Music gives us something magnificent. It makes us feel free and happy... At least some music...
What I want to find in a song, is power, harmony, melody and the feeling... Ohh, it's just spectacular, what it can do to you.
It can make you cry, even if there arent any words, It can make you feel cheerful all day, even though it has simple words and they wouldn't make you feel different if you would read them from a book... And the harmony and melody relax you and make you wonder... And then there is the power... Even if it's not loud and screaming, there is just something... It makes you feel, that the world isn't only school, work, dirty streets and boredom, but there is also magic, wonders and the brighter side of life... Even if the song is sad, you can feel it...
There is a song, which is very powerful and also sad... Me and my sister often listened to it in the summer while we watched the sun go down... We didn't speak a lot, because it was just so magical... Unfortunately we only had her phone and it had a bad quality so it didn't give the full effect but it was still beautiful...
I know the song thanks to a very good friend of mine... Her name is Eva... She is an original and peculiar person with great ideas and personality... Sadly, I haven't been communicating with her a lot lately... We had a bit of a ... um...disagreement. We didn't speak to each other for some time... But just lately we went to a café and we're gonna be friends again in no time... I think she and my sister are the greatest friends I have had and I'm happy for that and it's a luck that I have them because there are so many people who I try to avoid...
Well, but everybody don't have to match with each other and like everyone... Okay, I have been over that at least a thousand times already... Jap... :)

So...here I go then...

I search faults in other people a lot... But why? Is it to make myself feel better when I know that the others make mistakes too? No, I don't think so... even if it is because of that, then I don't do it on purpose - maybe it's in my subconsciousness? Maybe ... unlikely.
I find faults in myselt too, but I have been thinking about them a lot and I found it unimportant so I haven't written about it...
But maybe I should.
One of my biggest flaws is that I jugde people before I get to know them. They say that first impression is right the most times... But I have been proven differently though I can't say that the saying is completely wrong... To be honest, it mostly is like that.. but then again... I haven't gotten to know the people properly so I can't say...
...
I whine so much... about my acquaintances and uncaring people who only think about themselves and annoy me... But what if I get so upset and disappointed about my thoughts.. make them too big a deal and turn up like the ones I have been talking about? No. I will never be like them! That's against my principles! Oh...
I have many other fail spots, but they appear in my behavior and life, not in my thoughts... so they can be changed more easily...
In my thoughts there are also more faults what I would not like to write...

Bored...

So... Today was extreamly boring. I went to school, everything was just like it had been, no big changes (none at all to be precise)... It was a sunny and cheery but there was nothing to keep me on the ground so I sank low into my thoughts. My friends, who I wanted to get away from said it's not cool to be an emo-kid. I don't like when they call me like that and they know it but still they do it. Did they really think that saying that would bring me back? Don't know... Maybe. I just wanted to get away from them quickly. Not because I was angry or sad or anything, I just had to think about some things. Things that matter to me...
I have been wandering about a lot of people lately and I've noticed that I don't like most of them. I don't have anything against them but I don't want to get close. They seem so .. how to say it... plain and ignorant. I'm not speaking about everybody of course, but the ones that think that fame and popularity is more important than true and wise friends. Well... I didn't like them before either but I never noticed the dumbness. They don't know what they're missing.
My friends aren't like that. But still I often feel like I don't belong with them. They talk about celebrities and clothes and fashion - the things I don't really care abouyt. Of course I'd want to be fashionable and look nice, but why to talk about it? I don't mind it but I can't understand it either... Though I can't say that I don't have fun with them because that would be a lie. I like to be with them but certain combinitions don't match with me so I just keep away.
So... I've been critisizing people, but never have I spoken about my faults. So... I should do that...

Thinking...

Today I was just walking in the fresh air and reading ("The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho) and thinking... In the book, he was talking about faith. I closed the book and said to myself that I don't believe in faith... or do I? People often say that they don't belive, but that's not what they think. They want to look smart and in control of their lives, they say that everything is up to you and only you. But what if faith didn't interfere and we really were by ourselves... Anything wouldn't go like it goes now, maybe we would still live in caves. Don't know. It's up to you if you believe or not, but when you do, then it's easier to accept things and not to blame yourself.

Jap. You don't have to agree with me because I'm sure that you have great ideas and perspectives yourself.


Okay, catch you later :)

Here's the book.

YAAY!!! I got an award!!! :D

So...here it izzz :D


Thank you, Anett!!!
yaiichs... (don't know how to spell that :O)

I saw him again...

A guy... Have seen him three times in my life (today was the third time). He looks like he's about 30 or something... He has burning scars on his face and his left hand (at leas I think they're burning scars...) and he looks kind of... awkward... It's just... well, not today, but before.. (last year, I think). I looked at him and that was enough to make me smaile, even laugh. He seemed friendly and interesting and there was something... Can't just put my finger on it... Today hee looked sad... Don't know why... :(
They say that when you smile it makes people wonder what you are thinking abot... but why is that? Is it because they are used to see unhappy faces? When I saw his sad face I started looking around... None of the people in the bus were smiling...exept for me... :)
Well yeah....
Awkward posting, I know.... About someone, I've never even spoken to.
Yeah :).

Ooh, I forgot...

My inspiration for my last post was sheep :)

Trallallalllaaa...

Don't have anything to write actually... But I have to because here isn't enough text... -.-
Yeah... Gonna talk about weather now, hope you enjoy. It's cloudy.
New subject... um... ee... Yeah. Right. Here we go... khmm.
I'm hungry. Okay, not anymore (I just almost finished eating...yeah). Pudding...mm, yummy...
yeah
Pointless...Thoughtless... Mindless...
I have been thinking about so pointless things lately (meaning today and yesterday)... What's wrong with me ? Wtf?
ooh, nvm (or nm, for some).
Yeah...I'm gonna have to finish this posting...Kata and OMFG... Stop telling me what to do, I'm a strong independent woman (never mind that one...).
Anyways....well.
Kata's and Annette's bithday is in april... Mine too... Yeah.
We (meaning me and Arne and maybe someone else too) are going to give Annette a pig... and to Kata.. well, I don't know yet... a lot of things, I guess...
And to me... nothing... :'( - aahrrfg
Jap.
Skin deep, oo-oo-oo-o..skin deep...oo-oo-oo-o... etc.
YESS, finally, FINISHED!!! Now I can speak to my friends (the stupid things that talk to you and stuff, you know) again.... LALALALAAAAAA...
Muhahahahahaa... that was the thing u were waiting?! Poor kids...

In the train...

Yeap. We're in the train.. And that's kinda' it. Yeah. I have a new haircut... Kata cut it... Yeah. Trallallaa... I would love to say something smart right now but my head is empty. We overslep so I didn't make it to the dentist. Yess. Great success. But now they know how it feels when you wake up early in the morning just for nothing. Yeah. Anett looks awesome... I just had to say that because I just saw her and she looked awesome... Yeah. LALALALLALALALALAAAA..... Sheepdog...! Never mind! Okay, gonna go now, to school... -.-

Cya!

Yeah..

And we're finally at Anett's place... Yeah. We did a bit of studying and then me and Kaire started watching a movie ("Yellow Submarine"). Kata and Anett went to the other room but I don't know what they were doing there so I can't tell you... After a while Kaire followed and I stayed here... Yeah... Heartbeats, a lot of them, don't know why... Sometimes I just feel my heart beating in my ears, kind of awkward... So... Kind of bored... They're gonna cut my hair now...creepy...nvm (nm, if you like). So...I have to move now... I'll just go to the other room. Okay, I went on the bed... Yeah. Anett looks like a total model and Kata is taking pictures... Kaire is trying to talk to me... Weird... :O

Okay... I wish I had been smatr enough to take the book (Paulo Coelho's book...don't know how to ssay it in English...) then it would be bearable..ooh, here's a quitar...I'll play it a little :D

Okay, cya! 

The dumb...meaning me

Yeah, I am so smart... -.-

IT'S ME, everyone look, it's MEEE!!!

TERE, see olengi mina! Jess!

Dimmu Borgir - Hybrid Stigmata

This song... Very powerful. Helps me when I'm sad or upset. Every time I listen to it I just smile and I feel better memontarily because I know that the former me is not lost and I'm not pointless and dumb. Yet.
At the beginning of the song... the place where the screaming starts, every time I get goosebumps, because it's just so powerful.
Well... this is the kind of song that shouldn't affect anyone like that... the way it affected me... (guess there's somethig wrong with me)
My friends ask me how can I listen to that kind of music, but it keeps me from being late... It has fast rhythm... okay, maybe not this song, but usually metal songs have it. So yeah.
I know that a lot of songs are with the same beat, but the other songs are not as powerful as these... Yeah.
Anyway... Ahh, just wanted to say that I really love the song...

http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/dimmuborgir/puritanicaleuphoricmisanthropia.html#4 - and here are the lyrics :) though I doubt that you can karaoke with this song...

Polyvore

Ka mina käin polyvore's. Jah. See ongi kõik, mis mul öelda on. :D
The red thing - by Phateus on Polyvore.com

Mõtlesin, et kirjutan midagi siia oma kallitest sõpradest...

esimesena siis Annette, sest et ta istub minu kõrval siin lähedal... ok, enam mitte, tund on ammu lõppenud, aga ikkagi on tema esimene... jah, nii ma teengi.

~ANNETTE - uudne ja uimane~
Ta on minust tervelt NELI päeva vanem, niiet pean teda vist austama või midagi...hhmmm, pass.
Igatahes.. Ta on selline tore tydo. Tark, kena, naljakas. Ta naerab samamoodi nagu tema ema, aga ta ise eitab seda (esimene faas). Koolis istub ühes tunnis minuga, teistes Kataga. Järgmine aasta istume me matas koos :D. Eijah, nalja saab temaga... Linnas koos käies teab ta igat viiendat inimest niiet see on päris pindakäiv...jah:D tegelt on veel igast asju, aga ma ei viitsi ega hakka ega saa ega tea tema elulugusiia kirjutama

~ANETT - vaikne ja vinge~
Selline tore laps. Omapäraste naljadega, naerab ka kõige mõttetumate naljade üle (nagu näiteks Kaire naljad). Selline kogelev, räägib vaikselt, lausa nii vaikselt, et peab top-shopist maulmisaparaadi ostma. Anett on tuim(seda ma poleks siia tegelikult pannud, aga ta ju sundis mind). Ta just lahkus sõnagi lausumata... nüüd ma suren..........................................................LAHE PARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM I LOVE HER

~KAIRE - väike ja vihane - nagu kass maal~
Sõimab mind koguaeg, nutan üksi kodus :'(. Fännab Katat ja ROBERTI PATTINSONI!!!! Jah. Ta ütle, et ta ei fänna Katat.. vaene Kata :(. Jah. Aga muidu väga omapärane. Talle meeldivad koerad ja tal on kodus KUUS koera - Gigi, Pipi, Kelly, Reiska, Vanka, Miro. Jah. Ja ta kuulas kunagi varem Fall Out Boy´d ja nüüd on tal üks sein (millel on muide roosa tapeet) üleni Twilighti teemal :D

~KATRINA - urramurra~
Also known as Kata. Meie moeguru.. midaiganes see ka tähendab... Pealkiri ütleb juba kõik - väga URRAMURRA tüdruk on :D. Tegi koos Kairega mulle soengu millalgi sügisel. Jah. Samuti fännab Robert Pattinsoni niiet jah. Tal on kodus mustavärvi kass, kellel on lõua all natuke valget ja keda ma päriselus näinud ei olegi. Jah.

~LISANNE - uljas ja vallatu :D~
Selline naljakas ja kahtlane. Keilast. Jeah, see ütleb kõik :D. Awesome person. SOAD!!! Jah, ei tea,. kas enam kuulabki. Tema kohta eriti ei tea midagi öelda. Jah. Lihtsalt PÖÖRANE inimene. Mu õde on ta muusa... ta joonistas teda lokkis juustega - jeah, VÄGA minu õe moodi (kes nüüd siis aru ei saanud, et see oli sarkasm, see ei peaks seda üldse lugemagu, niiet FUCK OFF :D). Jah. Kõik ongi vist... Ei tea tõesti mida rohkemat tema kohta öelda... ahjaa... ta jõi mu Red Bulli ära :(

Ja need on inimesed, kelelga suhtlen klassist kõige rohkem. Jah, what a wonderful world :D

Kuupäev 25.26.27

Et siis kolm päeva... 13.-15. veebruar...
Läksime Kaire ja Kataga koeranäitusele tööle. Reedel kohe peale kooli suundusime lauluväljakule, kus see aset pidi võtma. Jõudsime suht õigeks ajaks, mul oli sel päeval (reedel) olnud ainult kaks tundi :).
Seal olles tegima mina ja Kata algul ringe ja Kaire oli karikate juures. Hiljem viisin Kata ja veel kahe tüdrukuga kohtunikele kohvi.
Alguses, kui me veel ei teadnud, kuidas seal asjad käivad, sebisime koguaeg ringi, aga hiljem istusime kõik kolmekesti (Kaire, Kata, mina) karikate juures.
Õhtul läksin mina koju ja Kata läks Kaire juurde.
Järgmisel hommikul ärkasin kell kuus ja Kaire juurde jõudsin umbes 7.20. nemad tulid aga välja umbes pool või isegi hiljem, niisiis ma külmetasin väljas.
See päev oli ka sõbrapäev.
Mul oli peaaegu terve tööloleku ajal paha tuju, sest kaire hakaks kohe hommikul jälle ülbama, nagu ta tavaliselt teeb, kui ta me mõlemad Kataga koos oleme. Vältisin kõike, mis paneks teda mu peale veel rohkem karjuma sest ma ei tahtnud vihastada ja teda täis sõimata :D.
Õhtuks oli mul natuke parem tuju.
Läksime peale tööd Keilasse Anetti juurde. Seal oli päris tore.
Carolil oli paha tuju ja ma tahtsin, et tal parerm hakkaks. Ilmselt selle pärast, et mul endal oli terve päev paha olnud ja ma teadsin, et nii on vastik.
Andsin talle enda joogi ja Andreselt saadud kallikaardi :D.
Varsti ei saanud ta enam midagi aru ja tal oli lõbus, kuigi vahepeal ta ka nuttis.
Kata ja mina rääkisime ka midagi tähtsat aga ma ei mäleta.
Kaire kõndis täie hooga vastu seina, aga ta ei saanud haiget.
Mingi Kelila kamp tuli vahepeal maja juurde ja tahtis sisse tungida, aga me ei teinud neist välja ja varsti nad läksid minema. Mina uinusin, aga kuna ma siiski mäletasin, et pean tööle minema panin endale ennem äratuse.
Hommikul ärkasin umbes kell kuus, natuke enne enda äratust. Vist.
Passisime natuke, rääkisime ja siis võtsime mõned kiivid ja asusime rongijaama poole teele.
Rong pidi vist tulema mingi 6.38 hommikul. Rongis oli janu.
Maha tulles ostsime juua ja kakaod.
Läksime otse tööle.
Algul olin ma päris uimane, aga peale Kata lämbumist tuli mul mingisugune energiaboost ja ma läksin hulluks.
Kaire oli enamus aega sellel päeval juunior handleris niiet olime Kataga kahekesi.
Ta käsutas mind koguaeg, aga ma ei pannud pahaks. Kui aus olla, ooli seal isegi päris lõbus.
Võistluste ajal läks Kata ära ja mina ja Kaire jäime veel sinna võistluste lõpuks. Tahtsin panna paika võistluse kõige suurema karika, aga üks neist tüdrukutes, kes seal oli viis selle ise. Ma ähvardasin teda tappa, aga kogemata lobisesin enda plaani älja ja uut mul ei ole, nii et sellest ei saa vist midagi.
Koristasime siis ja mind viidi ära.
Jah.
Õhtul ma millegi pärast magama ei läinud... Hommikul oli mul lausa paha olla ja ma jäin koju.
Homme lähen kooli.
Meil tuleb lugemiskontroll :D.

P.S. Varsti saan ma võibolla Katalt pildid ja siis lisan need siia.

Koolis...

Praegu on eesti keele tund...
pealkirjaks on hõlmavad määrused...
jah.. ma ei viitsi eriti kaasa teha, suht mõttetu või nii.
Aga ma peaksin, sest muidu ma eksamit järgmine aasta ära ei tee...jah..
Nüüd on aeg
Kairel ei ole elu... dsss -

Jah...päevake on möödunud või nii. On geo, kordame kontrolltööks ... Kaire istub Kataga - see tähendab, et mina istun üksi :D
JUärgmine tund on füsa töö, mida ma ei oska eriti ;)

Jah...

Täiesti haige....

Ma oleksin pidanud ikkagi tema juurde minema ja ta näo läbi sõimama...
Mida ta arvab endast õige? Mis tal VIGA on?!
Täiesti ...
Miks sellised inimesed üldse olemas on? Kas neil ei ole oma mõistust või midagi... kas nad ei saa aru, et nii ei tohi teha?
Olge normaalsed, ta on sinust umbes kümme korda väiksem... Muidugi ta nutab, seda beebid teevadki, nad nutavad ja kisavad ja soperdavad... Neid peaks siis vastavalt sellele kas lohutama või nendega riidlema, aga kindlasti mitte vägivalda kasutama...
No aru ma ei taipa! Jah....

Ma lähen nüüd suppi tegema...

En clocka...

Here used to lay a clock...

Now it is there ... -_-

I miss it...

Never mind

Sleepyhead

Ei peagi normaalne olema.

Muusika

Metal. Põhiliselt. Jah.
Enamik inimesi arvab, et see on lihtsalt röökimine ja karjumine, aga teglikult ei ole. Selles on küll jah karjumist, aga seal on ka meloodia ja sõnad (millest on küll raske või võimatu aru saada). Metal on kõige võimsam muusika vorm üldse. Kõik need "ägedad" on lihtsalt nagu mingid eputamislaulud. Metalis on seda võimu ja tugevust, mida laulus vaja ongi.
Kui kuulan metalit, ei tähenda see, et pean olema sünge ja kandma ainult musta. Muusika maitse küll iseloomustab inimest, aga selle järgi ei saa ikkagi inimest täielikult hinnata. Ka kõige armsam lapsuke roosas võib metalit kuulata.
Veel kuulan ma klassikalist muusikat. Näiteks Bach'i. Need laulud on lihtsalt ilusad, kaunid, meloodilised. Paned lihtsalt silmad kinni ja naudid...
Kuulan veel ka selliseid teisi rahulikke ja normaalseid bände.. näiteks Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Beatles ja palju teisi, keda ma ei jaksa üles loendada.
Metali bändidest kuulan näiteks neid: Slpiknot, Dimmu Borgir, Metsatöll, Astarte, Månegarm, Therion, Tristania, Korn jt. :)
Nojah, see ei ole tegelikult tõesti nii jube :D

Raamatud

Hetkel mul lemmikut raamatut ei ole, aga hiljuti lugesin "Twilighti"-i saagat. See oli päris hea... Isegi parem, kui ma ootasin, kuna tavaliselt ei meeldi mulle noorte raamatud, aga seda lugesin tihti kuni poole ööni ja magasin selle pärast mõni öö isegi ainult kaks tundi.
Kõige rohkem meeldib mulle fantaasia. Mulle igatahes ei meeldi tõsieluline kirjandus ja noorte tüdrukute armastuse üle vingumine.
Olen ka ise alustanud mõnede raamatutue kirjutamist, aga pole viitsinud rohkem kirjutada ja need on meelest läinud, ära kadunud ja ära kustutatud.
Ainuke jutt, mis veel alles on, on jutt, mida kirjutan koos õe ja vennaga.
Seal teeme me nii, et üks inimene kirjutab midagi ja teine jätkab samast kohast, aga tema jutt peab teemaga kokku minema ja peategelasi ei tohi tappa ja juttu ei tohi lõpetada.
See on siiani ka kõige pikem jutt, sest muidu, kui ma üksinda kirjutan, mõtlen kõik asjad ette ära ja am ei viitsi neid hiljem kirja panna ja varsti need ununevad, aga kui vahepeal keegi teine kirjutab, saan ma uusi mõtteid ja jutt areneb hoopis teises suunas, kui mina oleksin seda juhtinud. (Mu arvuti äsja liigutas ennast... natuke jube)
Igatahes... kohustuslik kirjandus on tavaliselt suht igav ja ma ei viitsi seda lugeda, aga peab ju... Miks pean ma lugema mingit minu meelest igavat raamatut, mille kätte ma ära suren, kui ma võiksin lugeda ka sellest kolm korda pikemat raamatut, mille ma ikkagi poole kiiremini läbi saaks, sest see mulle meeldib? Ah, vahet pole...
Noh, liigume edasi... Mu lemmik kirjanik on Brasiilia kirjanik Paulo Coelho ja tema lemmik teos on muidugi "Alkeemik", mis oli TÕESTI hea raamat - täpselt minu sorti. Olin peale selle lõpetamist rõõmus, et vähemalt keegi mõtles nagu mina. Usun sellesse raamatusse ja et selle sõnum on tõsi. Et teada saada, mis see sõnum on, loe see ise läbi ja kui sa aru ei saa, siis loe mõnekümne aasta pärast uuesti ja kui sa siis ka aru ei saa, siis äkki külastaksid münda haiglat...
Esimene raamat, mille ise läbi lugesin oli VIST "Jänkud mänguhoos", jah, tähtis, ma tean.
Jah...
Teeksin ka nimekirja raamatutest, mida lugenud olen, aga ma ei mäleta kõiki...